Your Vagina is a Clown Car

It's what we like to call a 'baby cannon,' really.

I’m all for kids. I hate them, but if you want to have some of your own, it’s not my business to tell you that you can’t.

But why do you need so many? Can someone please explain to me why babies are clawing their way out of this woman’s vagina and, at this rate, will double Earth’s population by 2020?

For Pete’s sake.

Farmers used to have lots of kids to work the land. I get that. But what’s the deal with having a few dozen vectors running around your house at any given time now?

I’m not for population control like Steven Kotler – we’re way too far into the game for that. I am, however, all for a little common sense when it comes to having litters of children.

Can you truly give each child the attention he or she deserves when there are cockroach-worthy numbers of them hanging from your ceiling, tumbling down the stairs and committing strings of crimes?

Somebody peed in the gene pool...

Here’s the deal with having so many kids: you don’t realistically need to procreate to survive. If you want to, go ahead – you have that right – but why do you want to?

Do you not know that we’ve got 7 billion people vying for food right now (which, of course, Monsanto is happy to provide) and battling communicable diseases?

Are you unaware that your children will have litters of their own?

Here’s what I think (in case you care):

Agriculture has ruined mankind. There’s more cruelty than ever before – in the name of feeding all these asshole offspring – and there’s a market for questionably effective vaccines to prevent the spread of communicable diseases because we’re all gathered together in what the Germans call a klusterfokken.

What do you think? Should people keep on letting babies rappel from their vaginas like it’s going out of style, or should they have a couple and retire the old ovaries?